in the summer of 1981, i was 20 years old.
it was also the year that i came face to face with certainty.
it was the year i met you.

the pizza place where we both worked, didn't give us the chance to formally meet.
no, that meeting finally happened at the double door inn where your band was playing. and it happened because i shamelessly sweet-talked a mutual friend into introducing us.
i'm shameless like that.
and i'm pretty sure my heart cracked wide open that night because you poured into it like warm sugar. you and your interesting, challenging, stubborn, loving, funny, creative, analytical, intelligent self.

i've never regretted that.

even when i've wanted to kill you, i've never regretted it.
because you feed my soul. and i could never imagine my life without you.

and when you told me that you had decided that it was time we got married, i never looked back because you had decided this. and i trusted it more than anything i had ever trusted in my entire life.

i still do.



and so i thank you for not asking me to marry you twenty five years ago.
because i more than love you.



renewing our wedding vows
december 24, 2008

dear christmas,

can it really be almost time for you?
how did this happen?
why is it that every year you sneak up on me?
and i grumble about you and the stress you put me through.
and then poof.
you're over and done with.
just like that.
and every year i tell myself that i will savor you more next year.
that i will soak your colors and magic and good feelings up.

why do i tell myself that every year?
why do i feel that i never experience you as fully as i think i should?
well.....
next year i'll surely do it.
i promise.

next year.


i can almost feel a little 50's-june cleaver'ish-live to bake chocolate chip cookies and lovingly and obediently fetch my husband's slippers while i pop a couple of valiums-domesticated when i wear this cute little christmas apron.

almost.

(the valium part sounds fun tho)


we tried everything we could think of to reach her. but dementia had taken its toll on her. sometimes we could get a smile out of her, but not often.
until she was given this baby doll.
never in my life have i seen such joy on one person's face as i did the day she adopted her baby.




i am always grateful for the people in life that teach me.
and working with older adults has taught me more than i could ever have thought possible.







the lady that runs this christmas tree lot was so excited that i was there photographing it. she told me that it had been run by her brother. it had been his dream to run a tree lot and the year after he started it, he suddenly died of a heart attack.

she told me that it was her honor to have been able to continue selling christmas trees in memory of him.
i told her that we'd be back to buy a christmas tree when we were ready to buy one.
and now when i look at our christmas tree, i think of him as well.

christmas questions




1. if the simple phrase "merry christmas to you" is being offered to kids from one to ninety two, then does that mean that infants and people older than ninety two don't get to have a merry christmas?
2. how many sexual innuendos can be made from assorted christmas terminology such as: jingle bells, christmas balls, yule log and chestnuts roasting on an open fire?
3. why do most people strive to be on the nice list when the naughty list is so much more fun?
4. on average, how many no-no words are used when putting up a christmas tree per household?
5. on average, how many no-no words are used when putting up outside christmas lights and decorations per household?
6. where is santa claus lane, anyhow?
7. why do we think we can make the yuletide gay? it's not a matter of choice.

self portrait tuesday

in
december's challenge is slow



if i had been able to, i would have shot this as i walked a mandala. unfortunately, the weather has not been cooperating. but there is a mandala at our local hospital that is beautiful and i've walked it many times.
mandalas completely irritated me at first because when i walked it, i wanted to get to the end of it. interesting to me and enlightening that every time i thought i was there, i wasn't.

i have finally learned how to walk a mandala and just enjoy the twists and turns....slowly
i can't say that i do that in real life as successfully however.
i'm still working on it.

a little barn love






for our farms that are slowly becoming extinct. the land that surrounds this farm will soon become a shopping mall.

and so i ask you, how many dry cleaners and nail salons do we actually need in this world, anyhow?



during the month of december, this book is always on my bedside table. if you haven't read david sedaris' "holiday on ice", then please go here and listen to him read "santaland diaries" -one of the funniest essays in this book.






this weekend, i pulled out my favorite and most treasured christmas ornaments. about ten years ago, i was lucky enough to pick up this box of shiny brite ornaments at a garage sale for 15 cents. just one of those rare finds when you know you love them, but don't really know much about them. here is what i found out

By 1940 Corning was making about 300,000 ornaments a day, compared with the perhaps 600 for a skilled German glassblower, and sending them to other companies for decoration.The largest customer was Max Eckhardt who by now had established an All-American company known as Shiny Brite. Initially Shiny Brite Ornaments were lacquered by machine on the outside and then decorated by hand.
the following year the ornaments were silvered on the inside so they would remain “shiny bright” for longer periods, but WWII intervened and material shortages caused the company to decorate the clear glass balls with simple thin stripes in pastel colors which didn’t require as much metallic oxide pigment. Corning, moreover, was able to alter its machines to produce a greater variety of shapes and sizes of glass ball without using scarce war material.


i love christmas ornaments. they are tangible memories in a box.
what are your favorite ornaments?

self portrait tuesday

in
december's challenge is "slow"




gawd...is there a shortage of traffic signs that say "slow"? i couldn't find one anywhere.... not even in the school zones.
and not even a "slow children" sign and i love that sign.

so, i just had to make one myself. which is a good thing.
everyone needs a slow sign in their life.

and look at my happy fella



he really liked me taking his picture with the slow sign too....
yep, he's a good sport that guy of mine.
i'll probably keep him.
if he'll keep letting me take pictures of him with the slow sign.....

you know it's winter when


1. your medicine cabinet is well stocked with zicam, nyquil and robitussin
2. you walk around with a sock stuck to the back of your sweater
3. you want to carb load like it's your job
4. you accessorize according to which scarf, hat and gloves you're wearing that day
5. you start stuffing tissues up your sleeve like a grandma so you don't have to walk to the box to get another one
6. your husband thinks you look sexy in fuzzy slippers, flannel pajamas and a sweatshirt
7. you think you look sexy in fuzzy slippers, flannel pajamas and a sweatshirt
8. you seriously consider paying the neighbor kid to ride with you to the gas station so he can stand out in the cold and fill your tank
9. you keep fifteen chapsticks on your person at all times
10. you refer to your legs as the "alligator sticks"
11. you dream in green

warholized


mr. ntm and i went to the andy warhol retrospective. it was so nice to see a wide variety of his work and i came away appreciating him all over again. his colors are so vibrant, especially when he mixed diamond dust into his printing inks. the images literally float on the backgrounds. he epitomized our american popular culture.
i loved the way he incorporated everyday life into art and art into everyday life.

a couple of his insightful quotes:

"an artist is someone who produces things that people don't need to have but that he-for some reason-thinks it would be a good idea to give them."

"isn't life a series of images that change as they repeat themselves?"

some of the icons he depicted were santa claus, mammy, the wicked witch, greta garbo, sigmund freud and martin buber.
timeless.
today, t i think he'd of added obama.

nephew

in

when you play the piano, your entire body plays as well.
and when you sing, your heart sings too.

remember these feelings.
it's easy to forget them.
i had forgotten them.
but you took me back there.
so i could enjoy them once again.