i think sometimes in our lives we must be destined to have periods of time when we go to the outer limits of what we've always known as our existence. we hang out there for a while testing new things out and sometimes creating all kinds of chaos for ourselves. eventually, we start the journey to finding our new middle ground. maybe all we can do is hope to survive it with the least amount of damage to ourselves and the people that we love.

i'm still dealing with my leg saga from april. dr. sofreakinghot tells me that i have reflux in my leg and it's not something mylanta will cure. he's got to send a laser up into my vein and zap it out of existence. he says this will take care of my cankles. but i have to play the insurance game and wait a few months before i can have it done. so in the meantime, i went to my regular doctor and asked for something to take the swelling down while i wait for the surgery.....in october. she agreed and i took my first dosage yesterday morning at 7:30am.

8:00am
oh dear god i hope there's a parking space close today because my bladder is about to explode
8:30am
i am sure that this is the longest pee in voiding history
8:50am
no, this surely must be the longest pee ever
9:20am
okay, maybe i better start restricting fluids so i can actually get some work done
10:04 am
they say that our bodies are made of 98 percent water, i'm sure i have peed out 97 percent
11:00am
begging to be catheterized
11:34am
cursing the fact that my workplace doesn't use the lotioned toilet paper
2:00pm
basically a prune at this point
2:45pm
why did i think wearing the pants with a four button waistband and a belt was a good idea today?
3:05pm
maybe depends aren't such a bad idea afterall
4:15pm
praying fervently to the urine gods for release from this hell
6:25pm
don't have any brains left because i'm sure i've peed them out

i'm irresistible...

for my potato salad that is. there are family members and friends (and you know who you are) who feen for my potato salad. it is not an urban legend that mr. ntm married me because of my potato salad. my potato salad is like crack cocaine. i made some this past weekend. in my best julia child voice, i've laid it out step by step for you.



first, you boil up some russet potatoes. how many you ask? an assload. i never colored inside the lines and i never measure when i cook. i'm sorry. just wing it and it'll be great. the more potato salad you want, the more you should cook. i cooked almost a 10 lb bag. i leave the skins on when i boil them and also when i cut them up for the salad, but after boiling them, the skin will peel away easily if you are so inclined. i used to peel the skins off, but now i leave them on because i'm lazy but i also think it tastes better with the skins. i would suggest not boiing them too hard because the potatoes willl completely break open and then they will get water logged which makes them soggy and even starchier.


depending on how many potatoes you've cooked, you'll want to hard boil roughly four to six eggs. i used six eggs for the amount of potatoes i cooked. i don't chop them very finely. but i do mince the onion, and i don't use too much of it because it will overpower the egg and potato. for this batch, i used the green onions that i got at the farmer's market and their flavor was great. after putting the egg, potato and onion together, i pour a liberal amount of white vinegar over it and let it soak into the mix. i also put plenty of cracked black pepper and salt as well.

and now comes the gold...the bacon. i cooked a whole pound of bacon and made it very crispy. i mix in a bit of yellow mustard and maybe about a cup of mayo. i only use duke's mayo and never salad dressing because... ew.
and that's all there is to it. easy! this potato salad is totally off the charts when it comes to weight watcher's points and your arteries will clog after eating it, i guarantee.

however, you'll die happy.





i dragged myself and mr. nobody tells me out of bed saturday morning at the crack of me to go to the farmer's market. here's some of the goodies that i bought. they were so pretty, i had to take a picture of them before we ate them.

i went to give blood yesterday. in the initial screening process, there's a whole list of questions they ask to warrant against the possibility of infected blood.

"you're a female, right?"

"um...yes. i'm quite sure of that."

"have you always been a female?"

"excuse me?"

"we have to ask this question now. it's a new thing. have you always been a female?"

"well, save for that short stint following fertilization when i was a zygote, yes i've always been a female."


thank god being a smartass doesn't constitute rejection of blood donorship by the red cross.



it's a dog-tini











we're lucky enough that we can bring our dogs to work and i have adopted my co-worker's dog daiquiri. she's the chillest dog ever with the best personality. she was hurt and her eye is injured, so she came to work like this the other day. poor little girl. get better, dax.



drinking coffee from a tea cup just tastes better. these were my gram's dishes, but i'm sure she wouldn't mind me using them for coffee instead of tea. i think she would be happy that i was using them. she left these to me when she died. she split the set up between my aunt and myself, and i was lucky enough to get the cups, saucers, dessert plates and spoons instead of the teapot, creamer and sugar bowl. at first i thought it was odd that she did that, but now i realize that she knew exactly what she was doing. she knew that i would actually use them and not just keep them on a shelf to be admired.

she was a smart woman, that gram of mine. she played a mean game of cribbage. she was the type of woman you'd never want to cross. luckily, i never did.
















if only every day could be like this. i would choose a sunny day every day. i'm powerless over a sunny day.



i can't seem to feel safe these days. the universe is not predictable lately and it's starting to really piss me off.

it's definitely rainy season, but luckily the storms never last long.

and i have an umbrella.

how could this sweet little berry ever be a synonym for a derisive sound of disapproval?

monday, 1:00 am
in the pouring rain with 3 carry-on bags of luggage and a mother-in-law with a bad attitude in tow


note to self-

dear self,

when parking your car in a long term parking lot at the airport, it might be a novel idea to remember exactly which lot it was that you parked in.

sincerely,

self

p.s. oh, and try to lose the mother-in-law next time

a. smart as a whip
b. very cute
c. needs a prescription for benzodiazepines due to extreme neurosis
d. poop eating disordered
e. sneezes backwards
f. legs longer than tail


a. sweet, sweet disposition
b. also very cute
c. dumb as rocks
d attachment disordered
e. possesses a very feminine walk (as in bow wow chicka bow wow)
f. tail longer than legs

when i worked for hospice, i was called dawn of the dead. i have a comfort level with death, dying and cemetaries. i like to go there to gather my thoughts. the acres of burial markers remind me of thumbtacks on a giant map of lives that once were. i found my father-in-law's marker while i was there the other day and spoke his name out loud. there is something very powerful when the name of a person who has died is spoken out loud. all the thoughts and memories of that person and their life is remembered once again. a few days before he died, he said "i'm flying with my eyes closed."

are you still flying? i wonder.


i kmow you're scared to look ahead. it's hard to see and we're always scared of what we can't see. but it's okay to go forward. and if you need to cast a backward glance, you'll see me behind you. smiling, supporting you and loving you....always, always, always.

i was primarily looking for a tertiary color space, but i had to settle for secondary best.