the other day, a friend and i were having dinner.
we're both the same age, we're both social workers and we're both struggling with the weirdnesses of life and over-analyzing and stressing over every little nuance of communication we'd had in the last thirty days ad nauseum.
basically, like we always do.
because we're both wired that way i guess.
when we'd had enough of ourselves, we started laughing
and then she told me that years ago one of her mentors had said to her
"the older you get, the more like yourself you become."
and she had never forgotten it.
because at the time, she was too young to really understand it.
but she knew that it was important enough to remember because
one day it would certainly make sense to her.
it was so perfectly wonderful that
i could only just sit there smiling, trying to take it in.
so maybe this explains it?
the older i'm getting, the less i'm understanding
which makes me feel out of control and vulnerable
which then knocks me completely out of balance
and then i do all kinds of stupid, ridiculous things
that totally sabotage myself
which makes me feel even more out of control
and then i get depressed until i can't stand myself anymore
and then i just have to laugh and surrender.
i'm thinking that this merry go round of reactions
just about encompasses every aspect
about myself which then validates the theory that
the older you get the more like yourself you become.