even after all these years as a human, i'm still trying to figure it all out.....
learning how not to always stand on the edge of it, but walk into it...
sometimes wishing there were training footsteps with numbers on them showing me where to step and which foot to step with
knowing that even though it feels like it's set in stone, it really isn't because i have the power to change that,
and if i'm not careful, i could chip away at it so recklessly that i could reduce it to nothing but rubble.

in this new year,
let us all remember to step with care
and,
to dance when life feels heavy,
even when we don't have footsteps to follow along in.

i wish you all a beautiful new year.
xo



streets lit with magic
the season of love and joy
breathing it all in

i wish you all a very joyous and wonderful christmas.
thank you for your visits here and thank you for your support.
merry christmas with love,
dawn






the 10 commandments of christmas season behavior

1. thou shalt not use "yuletide log" or "christmas balls" in a derogatory fashion

2. thou shalt not punch, hit or shove any human under the age of 10 in store lines. after the age of 10, it's all fair game.

3. thou shalt not wear fat pants for any longer period of time than january 30th at which such time the 8 pounds that have been gained should be well on their way to being gone

4. thou shalt refrain from dressing with any item of clothing that blinks, jingles or requires a battery

5. thou shalt not drink red bull and eat items with high sugar content at the same time. (this includes pets as well)

6. thou shalt bear in mind that there is a direct correlation between power bills and exterior lighting decorating choices

7. thou shalt act merry and brite at all times....even if it kills you.

8. thou shalt remember that there is only one christmas per year and that you will remember this christmas fondly every year after, giving anything to have it back.



may god give you the grace never to sell yourself short.
the grace to risk something big for something good.
the grace to know that the world is now too dangerous for anything but truth,
and too small for anything but love.
may god take your minds and think through them.
may god take your lips and speak through them.
and may god take your hearts
and
set
them
on
fire.

amen.

written by william coffin
and adapted by stephen shoemaker

happy thanksgiving to you all.
xo



it's not fall if you don't rake tlhe leaves up
and then jump in them.
it's not fall if you don't catch sight of your shadow on the ground and notice how long it is,
jumping around and dancing like a ridiculous clown just to see how much longer you can make it.
it's not fall if you don't breathe in that earth rich smell,
or that familiar smokey scent of leaves burning in the distance....
if you don't become just a little wistful at the poignancy of the season's change....
the familiarity of it,
and the disbelief that it's happening yet again....
it's not fall if you don't anticipate the quiet breath of winter and the ever present longing for spring to return.
it's not fall if the amber light doesn't strip your soul down to the very core and humble your spirit.



rhyme or reason.....
if i had to choose,
i could live without rhyme.....
but reason?
no, i can never live without that.



he drove a VW beetle......
drove it all up and down the east coast,
he put his head through the windshield of one when someone pulled out in front of him.
after that terrible accidentt, he was forever pulling tiny glass shards out of his forehead....
like a constant reminder that life can suddenly change in an instant.

i was young then,
i don't really remember anything about it except the anxiety on my mother's face and waiting at the hospital for hours as i stood on a chair with my hands pressed on the windows looking out at the city below while the hot summer sun beat down on me.
it's curious the things that you remember,
and the things you don't.
i know now that my father probably faced down many fears when he got back behind the wheel of a brand new VW beetle,
but i never knew it then.
all i knew was that i always felt safe with him behind the wheel.



it was impossible to know
if it was the light filled world
that moved them to dance,
or their dance that moved the
world to
fill
with
light.



if i walked through the gate,
would i find the quiet place?
would i find the place where all things make sense?
the place where i could understand why things are not always the way i want them to be,
but the place of resolution that all things are as they are?
and if i didn't walk through that gate,
would it be okay if those answers were not there for me?

i don't know if i can walk through that gate,
and
i don't know if i can't.



couldn't i just always
live in that little sliver of time
where the trees are perfectly lit up with their fall colors
and the sky is that soft cyan blue?



the early morning light
is the light
that
runs through my veins
and
fills me with
the quiet hope that
all will be well.

the late day light
is the light
that i breathe
in,
and fills me with
the assurance that
indeed...
all was well.



he asked me if i would take a walk with him and so i did.
we walked for a very long time
through all four of the seasons many times over and through mountains of patience
and
compromise and
crazy.
sometimes my feet would hurt and blister and i complain,
but he listens to me and supports me while i look for a band aid.
and
he always reaches out his hand to help me back up when i trip and fall
and smiles at me lovingly.

and then we walk some more.



people have told me many
times,
they worry that
if they started to cry.....
they would never stop.

but what they don't realize,
is that every tear that falls is not
just from their eyes,
but from their heart.
and their heart is like a sponge....
it can only hold so much sadness
before it gets too heavy
and must shed its weight.



if i sit and think about things,
then i feel guilty
that i've wasted time thinking
too much
and
not doing enough.

when i do a whole bunch,
then i feel guilty
that i haven't slowed down
and given more thought before
i acted.

so i was thinking that it might be good
to think about my thinking time
as actually doing something....
i'm thinking.

and to do my doing time as
a way of clearing my mind so
that i can think.


most times though,
i forget what i was thinking about
and usually can't remember what it was that i was supposed to do
anyways.....



dear universe,

please let me cross my bridges with confidence.

let me pass with grace
and integrity
on my walks across.

may i always give myself permission
to stop and look behind me
to measure how far i've come,

may i not let how far i need to go
intimidate me or keep me from trying,

and...

may i always have a super cute outfit to wear,
so i can strut my stuff in style.

amen.



she told me
that when people get missing,
it makes our spirits
weary
and then she yawned
and i knew
that she
would
never
stop
searching.